I saw something being shared around Twitter recently that astonished me. A number of married bloggers proclaiming their new found love of sleeping with two duvets on one bed, so both them and their partner can have their own.
No, I wasn’t astonished that someone would dare to sleep without being entwined with their significant other – I was astonished that people seemed to believe sleeping separately to their partner was something out of the ordinary, or forbidden. Why do we have to adopt these ridiculous societal norms that compromise our comfort and quality of life? Ok, maybe a bit of an overreaction – but I hold comfort and a good night’s sleep up there at the top of my hierarchy of needs!
I think every relationship is different and that’s exactly why I don’t feel the need to conform to these norms in my own marriage.
Wearing a ring
My husband never wears his wedding ring. Someone at his place of work commented to him that it was ‘sending the wrong message’ and ‘doesn’t his wife mind that he doesn’t wear a ring?’. No, actually, I don’t and I rarely wear mine. A singular piece of circular metal isn’t what stops him forgetting he’s married and it doesn’t symbolise our entire relationship in any way, shape or form.
Sleeping in the same bed
This year we purchased our first bed together after previously getting by with hand-me-down beds. We found the biggest one we could afford so we didn’t have to be anywhere near each other during the night. Both of us enjoy sleep far too much to compromise it by being too close to the other.
In fact, we take this to another level when we’re on holiday. If we book a hotel that has more than one bed, you bet we’ll be sleeping in our own. We love our space and don’t want it intruded upon, even if the intruder is the love of our life.
Buying groceries together
We only just started buying groceries together this year. In the past, we’d always go to the supermarket together with one trolley and keep our food separate. We don’t eat together that frequently, and both like vastly different foods. We’d get to the till and put our shopping through together, we’d pack up the first lot and the cashier would always assume we were finished but nope! There was still the other persons shopping to go.
Sharing a bank account
Nope. We will likely never, ever do this. We’re both independent financially, earn different wages and have different interests and things we want our wages to be spent on. We have a separate bank account we use for our joint outgoings, like rent, and we each deposit a set amount into that bank account on payday each month. I want to spend my money on copious amounts of Disney items, and he wants to spend his on motorbikes and RC planes and keeping our money separate means there’s never a sense of resentment when one of us buys something.
Owning a house together
We might be married but there’s no reason why we need to own a house together. We’re currently in a place where my husband is ready financially to own a house. I, on the other hand, am not ready. There’s nothing to stop him buying a house in his own name and I’d be more than happy to be, technically, his ‘tenant’ until I could afford to buy my share.
Do you break societal norms in your own relationship?
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